I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
