No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
