Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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