I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
