when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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