If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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