im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
