what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
