btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
