halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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