Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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