I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
