Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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