is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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