I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
