I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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