He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have aggressive nipples.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
