I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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