tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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