i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize