wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
