Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
