It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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