Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
