Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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