She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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