We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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