I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
