I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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