your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
