Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
