Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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