I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Boobs speak an international language.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
