Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize