oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
