she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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