I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
