Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
