You're so nebulous sometimes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
