once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
