In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
