can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
