"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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