Got a toothbrush?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
did i walk over a car last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
