Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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