She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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