Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
