sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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