She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
