she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
