I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
