i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize