my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
