everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
