she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
