Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
