your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
