i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize