So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
