the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Houston, we have a blender
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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