I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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