how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
