Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
