nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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