I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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