I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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