Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
