I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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