Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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