he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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