Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
