words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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